Moose and Squirrel Blog

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

By way of DailyKos (and the very excited OUTlaw listserv), it seems the Pentagon's been spying on NYU's organized gays. We are "possibly violent."

I need to start attending those mixers.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

24 hours before my Torts final, I am still learning new things. Did you know that a fire of unknown origin is not the same as a fire that is an Act of God? Because God is totally known. In the former case your injury is an accident, and in the latter it is Fate.

How can you tell which it is? Seems like a glass half empty problem to me. Either you have bad luck or God hates you. To make matters worse, when God hates you and jointly injures you along with a person, that's when you can't recover.

At least according to some crazy profs at our Crazy Liberal school.

This is why lawyers shouldn't talk about God. Except Dudley.

A Prayer Before Finals

Oh holy father,
who art in heaven,
please kill me now
and save me the embarrasment
that I will feel
upon receipt of my actual grades.

Or give me the answers,
to all of the questions,
and secure me a job that pays well
while keeping me out of corporate fucking law.

In the name of the father,
the son,
and the most expensive trade school in the history of the world,


Thursday, December 08, 2005

Reasons I should get B's without having to take exams:
  • I complained about the library being closed on Thanksgiving
  • I joined 2 study groups
  • I did not drink for 8 days in a row
  • I scorned the library for being too social
  • I bookmarked a classical music radio station

Obviously I am qualified to be Professional already and I really don't see what the difference between the restatement and the UCC has to do with it.

From Overheard in NY:

Student guy: I was going to ask if we could talk about prisons next.

NYU President John Sexton: You want to talk about prison sex?
--Vanderbilt Hall,
Washington Square South

Chill out, Sexton. Sodomy inquiries are so last year.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Lamb of God

Lamb of God
Originally uploaded by davidnoll.
Here's a nice image from my recent trip to Illinois. Doesn't that lamb look like it's up to no good? Wow it's great to be back in New York.


A five-star, "ultimately comforting" book about a very specific class: the "not rich" who are smart in stupid ways and not rich. Noble! I'm going to write a book about my noble class, people who are smart in potentially boring ways and poor but potentially rich so we have a good sense of "irony" about being "ghetto" (potential bigotry), and go to "quasi-'elite'" schools, and might have been "cool" at some point but the only trace of that left in us is "alcoholism" (potential alcoholism). It'll be comforting because "we're all going to get B's anyway."

Sorry that's just the only socially acceptable way to end a conversation this month.

Why can't we all be comrades?

Friday, December 02, 2005

Noah Feldman

Oh vanity, thy name is Feldman!
Now you are letting them post your gorgeous visage all over the internet?
The most beautiful braniac, they say! Idolatry!
Is there no modesty left in the world? Can there be no respite from the constant celebrity worship which the bourgeoisie, in their infancy, rain upon us?
Even if one were to grant that your perfectly formed face, with its rugged jaw, eyes as blue as the sea and golden hair like amber waves of grain...
those soft, knowing lips...
Oh! I can perpetrate this lie no longer! For to hold in the truth is to causeth my soul to burst under the weight of my obfuscations!
Oh Professor Feldman, you are the Noah of the Ark of my heart!
I lament! Lo, how this semester has ruineth mine will and mine capacity for amorousness.
I am but a shell of a man, for surely even the beasts of the jungle have more amity in their desire than do I.
Yet this I must confess--I do believe I can be saved.
Oh Noah! If you answer but this one question in the affirmative I will consider Consitutional Law next semester the highlight of my legal education:
Professor Feldman, can you teach me how to love?

(Does that sound gay?)